Complete in marriage

I spent my 25th wedding anniversary on my own in Tokyo on a stopover. I’d rather have been home, of course. It’s the first anniversary, and quite likely the last, that I have missed.

One of the favourite texts chosen for weddings comes from Genesis (2:18 – 24): it tells the story of how woman was created from one of man’s ribs. There’s a poignancy and a richness to this story. It is folkloric, it’s an explanatory text – not scientific, yet it is at the heart of understanding of our relationship with our creator and with each other in marriage. The making of man is incomplete until woman is created. Man and woman are bound to each other in this moment; woman is ‘bones from my bones, and flesh from my flesh’. This account is about marriage, how this story relates the marriage of man and woman as they become one body. And present in this marriage is the divine hand of God which draws one from the other and then brings that back together.

Quite rightly we can point to this story as being part of the theology of marriage, but it is all to easy to dismiss it in the face of the reality we face each day. The Gospel this week (Mark 10:2 - 16) proclaims Jesus’ teaching on the sanctity of marriage, and his stand on divorce. Divorce is very real. Though our theology provokes a desire for perfection, more often than not, we have our own experience, the experience of our families, our friends and neighbours, or our own. We find it difficult to resolve the issue of where we stand when our marriages fail. The Gospels appear unequivocal – Do not judge, do not condemn. The Church on the other hand seems to exclude the very people who need its understanding.

In another time divorcees were pariahs. Today, separation and divorce are common. In his exhortation, The Sacrament of charity, Benedict XVI earnestly prayed that such tragedies could be avoided by better preparation and discernment before marriage. This may well be little comfort for those who have already been through a marriage breakdown, and yet like most things in life, while preparation is the key to success, there will be situations unforeseen and unimagined.

We aim for perfection, and oftentimes we just make it. I’ll be home on 22 October as we celebrate our 26th anniversary. May our marriages and our loving relationships continue to be blessed.