Disciplined discipleship

As much as each child is a wonderful gift, our children may sometimes be the cause of our greatest heartaches. We are not born with a set of parenting skills. They are something we acquire – first of all from our own parents, and then by positive or negative modelling from others we admire or fear. We are seldom just reliving our own childhoods when we become parents.

One aspect with which most of us struggle is consistency. Our children are persistent, energetic learners and if we wish to challenge a certain behaviour or develop more acceptable behaviours it is a long journey. Correcting our children, we know, should always be done with love, but tempers fray, we can become impulsive and punitive, we can overreact.

The exact opposite is also possible. We can find excuses for our child’s behaviour, we can mollycoddle, even defend poor behaviour, and even take to task the recipient of our child’s aggression.

Don’t be afraid. This is not new territory. The world has always been the same despite the ever new theories of childrearing. Discipline, the word we use to describe the development of positive behaviours – such as good manners, keeping our hands to ourselves, being respectful of others, applying ourselves to our school work, getting my chores at home done – derives from the word disciple. One becomes a disciple by accepting, taking on and living out the discipline of the master. For us that master is Jesus. It is he who sets the standard.

The writer to the Hebrews (12:5 – 7, 11- 13) reminds us that because are called to intimate relationship with Jesus, When the Lord corrects you, do not treat it lightly, but do not get discouraged when he reprimands you. For the Lord trains the ones that he loves and he punishes all those that he acknowledges as his sons. Suffering is part of your training. God is treating you as his sons.

None of us has perfect children. Assisting them in their growth towards adulthood will require sacrifice and pain. This is no more evident than in the relationship between St Monica and her son, St Augustine. Well before his fame as a bishop and theologian, Augustine was a rake – he lived the high life – a sinful life – his mother prayed for many years that he would find God’s love in his life, and at the age of 30 he converted. He did not disown his past (for he also had a son), because it was an essential part of his journey. The constancy of his mother helped make a difference. The suffering was hers.

We are all called to discipleship, to model our lives as disciplined members of the community, of the church – if we want our children to be effective members of our community, then we must teach, act and behave accordingly.