The hurt of disappointment

Things do go wrong. The children we hoped would most perfectly reflect the values and love we have showered upon them, find themselves sitting in the principal’s office, the police station or the courts. Let’s face it, it’s hard not to take it all personally. When your child is in difficulty, you want to do everything in your power to protect them from whatever dire consequences await them. Sometimes we express our deep concern as anger or anxiety. Neither of these responses provides support for our children. Nor is it particularly helpful to attack those disciplining your child, unless you are convinced that a miscarriage of justice has occurred. Perhaps feeling disappointed, hurt or ashamed are the most natural feelings, but I would like say to you, focus on the good, let love condition your response: listen with care, let it be an opportunity to learn.

I have had my share of those learning opportunities. I know the crushing feeling across the chest that happens when the phone call arrives. The bleak tears. The plea for understanding and need for unconditional love. The deep breaths. Sometimes the gaps between the learnings seem remarkably brief and you have to wonder if there has been any learning happening at all. I’ve learned a lot as a parent. My mother tells me I’ve a long way to go, apparently I haven’t seen anything yet.

I want to encourage you in your parenting, despite what you might see as failures, you have already done a great job. There are few scriptural stories about Jesus’ childhood, but the one which stands out is Jesus’ journey to Jerusalem and his remaining at the Temple when Mary and Joseph had left for Nazareth. There is no doubt that they were worried for Jesus, but their meeting with him is one of joy, of seeking understanding, and then of being in awe of the wonderful gift that Jesus was to them. Your children are such gifts. Treasure them always, and forever love them and be in awe of the wonderful gifts they are to you.

Any disappointment could only be a failure to fully love.